Nairobi's Hidden Gem: Decale Palace Hotel Awaits!
Nairobi's Decale Palace Hotel: A Whirlwind of Opinions & Wi-Fi Woes (And Everything in Between!)
Okay, buckle up, because I’ve been to Nairobi’s supposed "Hidden Gem," the Decale Palace Hotel, and I'm about to unleash a torrent of thoughts, observations, and the occasional, slightly unhinged, ramblings that inevitably come with a hotel review. Forget polished, predictable reviews – you're getting the real deal, warts and all.
First Impressions (and a Quest for the Lobby):
Finding the Decale Palace wasn't exactly a breeze. Let’s just say, my taxi driver and I shared a moment of profound confusion before finally stumbling upon the entrance. (Pro-tip: Pack your patience, especially if you’re arriving late.) But hey, adventure, right?!
Accessibility: (Needs a Serious Look)
This is where things get a little tricky. While I didn't need full wheelchair access, I did notice… well, let's just say the "Facilities for disabled guests" likely need a major upgrade. The elevator situation seemed a little dicey, and the overall layout felt a tad… labyrinthine. Verdict: Room for significant improvement here. This is more than just checking a box.
Safety & Cleanliness: (The Sanitizing Saga)
Okay, on the bright side, the Decale Palace clearly takes sanitization seriously. They’ve got the whole shebang: "Anti-viral cleaning products," "Daily disinfection in common areas," "Staff trained in safety protocol"… You name it, they probably have it. I even saw a person in full hazmat gear once! (Okay, maybe not full hazmat gear, but you get the idea.) The rooms were definitely squeaky clean – I could practically smell the bleach (which, honestly, sometimes felt a little too sterile). The "Sanitized kitchen and tableware items" gave me some peace of mind too. Verdict: Definitely felt safe from the germy hordes.
The Amenities Gauntlet: A Pool with a View (Finally!)
This is where the Decale Palace starts to redeem itself. After a long day of Nairobi-ing, the "Swimming pool [outdoor]" was a godsend. And the "Pool with view" truly delivered – a gorgeous, panoramic vista that made all the airport chaos melt away. Now, I didn't indulge in a "Body scrub" or "Body wrap," because, frankly, I was too busy battling jet lag and trying to figure out the Wi-Fi situation. But the "Fitness center" did get a workout from me… mostly me avoiding it. Also, the sauna was tempting. Verdict: Pool is ace. Everything else, I’ll take a raincheck.
Internet, Oh Internet! (The Wi-Fi Whirlwind)
Alright, let's get real. The Wi-Fi. The free "Wi-Fi in all rooms!" – promised and… mostly delivered. But! The connection? Let’s just say it had moments of brilliance, followed by periods of soul-crushing buffering. Forget serious work. I spent more time wrestling with the signal than actually getting things done! In Public areas, I found to be better but I was too busy swimming. Verdict: Wi-Fi – a tale of two cities. Bring your own hotspot if you can. Or a very, very strong dose of patience.
The Food Fight: Dining, Drinking, and Snacking
The "Restaurants" were a mixed bag. "A la carte in restaurant," was a little inconsistent. "International cuisine in restaurant" had its moments, and the "Asian cuisine in restaurant" was actually pretty darn good once I was able to connect to the wifi at the same time. Breakfast? Buffet, naturally. And a decent one at that! The "Coffee/tea in restaurant" was a lifesaver. The "Poolside bar" was a nice touch for sunset cocktails. Verdict: Food is decent, the ambience is better.
Rooms & In-Room Comfort: (The Blissful Bed & the Blackout Curtains)
My room was… comfortable. Clean. It had air conditioning (Hallelujah!). Those "Blackout curtains" were a true blessing. The "Bed" was ridiculously comfortable, I slept like a log. The "Desk" was functional(ish), even though I spent half the time struggling with the Wi-Fi. Ah! The "Shower" was fine, which is always a plus! Verdict: Comfy enough to forget your worries
The Service Safari: All the Conveniences
The "Front desk [24-hour]" was always open, that's a big bonus. The "Doorman" was friendly. The "Laundry service" came in handy after a little spill in the restaurant. "Concierge" was helpful to some degree and I did manage to order some good food delivery. There were "Shops" everywhere. Verdict: A decent level of service.
The Annoying Details: (The Little Things That Grind My Gears)
- The “Air conditioning in public area” was either freezing or non-existent
- The “Cash withdrawal” machine was… well, it was there.
- I couldn’t shake the feeling that some of the advertised amenities like "Body wraps" and "Couple's room" weren't quite up to snuff.
Final Verdict & A Compelling Offer:
Look, the Decale Palace Hotel isn’t perfect. It has its flaws. The Wi-Fi can be a nightmare. Accessibility needs work. But! It also has some serious charm. The pool is amazing, the staff are friendly, and the rooms are comfortable. And it’s centrally located, with easy access to everything Nairobi has to offer.
So, would I recommend it?
Yes, with a few caveats. If you’re looking for a luxurious, flawless experience, maybe look elsewhere. But if you’re up for an adventure, and want a comfortable basecamp in Nairobi, the Decale Palace is worth considering.
My Honest Recommendation:
- Embrace the Charm: Don’t expect perfection. Go with the flow. Nairobi is a city of chaos and charm. Let the hotel reflect that.
- Bring Your Own Hotspot: Seriously, this is non-negotiable.
- Prioritize the Pool: This is where you'll find your serenity.
- Be Prepared for the Unexpected: Things might not always go as planned. Embrace the chaos!
- Consider the Price: Look for deals.
The Offer: Your Nairobi Adventure Awaits!
Tempted? Here's the deal:
Book your stay at Decale Palace Hotel now and receive:
- Exclusive Wi-Fi Guarantee: if the Wi-Fi lets you down, you get a complimentary voucher for the pool-side bar.
- Discounted Airport Transfer: Arrive and depart with ease. Skip the taxi.
- Complimentary Breakfast for Two: Fuel your Nairobi adventures!
- Early Bird Bonus: Book 30 days in advance and get a free room upgrade (subject to availability).
Click here to book your unforgettable Nairobi experience!
Don't wait! This offer is limited and only available for a short time!
(P.S. Tell them "The Crazy Wi-Fi Review Lady" sent you. Maybe they'll give you a free drink at the pool bar.)
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Getaway Awaits at Gästehaus Wind und Meer!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this itinerary for the Decale Palace Hotel in Nairobi is gonna be less "perfectly curated experience" and more "chaotic yet beautiful journey" – much like life itself. Prepare for a rollercoaster, grip your stomachs, and lets do this!
Decale Palace Debacle: A Nairobi Adventure (With Emphasis on Avoiding the Tourist Traps… Mostly)
Day 1: Arrival, Altitude Adjustments, and Accidental Goat Encounters
Morning (7:00 AM - 11:00 AM): Touchdown in Nairobi! Oh, the airport! Not gonna lie, Immigration was a nightmare. I swear I blinked wrong and ended up in a security interrogation room. Anyway… finally free! Hallelujah! Grab a taxi (negotiate the price beforehand, trust me) to the Decale Palace. Hopefully the driver isn't having a 'bad driving day' - as I've heard that's quite the thing.
- Quirky Observation: The air in Nairobi hits you different. It's… vibrant. Like a living thing. It definitely makes me a bit loopy with the altitude.
- Imperfection: The taxi driver tried to overcharge me. I grumbled and he reduced it by a bit. Small wins, I guess.
- Emotional Reaction: Relief. Pure, unadulterated relief that I made it. And I’m starving.
Afternoon (11:00 AM - 2:00 PM): Check-in. Gorgeous lobby, that's the upside. But… My room? Apparently, it was previously someone's storage closet. The view? A brick wall. Sigh. Time to make a fuss, I guess.
- Messier Structure: The initial room was enough to make me want to leave immediately. But, I'm a stubborn gal. I requested an upgrade. And by some miracle, it worked.
- Opinionated Language: The front desk staff are helpful, although I suspect I was given the worst room. But hey, at least they did try to rectify the situation.
Afternoon (2:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Lunch at the hotel restaurant. They have an amazing, but over-spiced, beef stew. I could hear the spices screaming at me. I ordered some water to cool my palate. The waiter has a really loud sense of humor.
- Anecdote: The waiter was so entertaining, it almost made up for the heat. Almost. I think my tongue's still tingling!
Afternoon (4:00 PM - 6:00 PM): A walk around the neighborhood, getting the 'lay of the land' or at least attempting to. Found a local market.
- Accidental Goat Encounter: Seriously. I turned a corner, and BAM! A goat. Staring me down. It nibbled my boot. I swear it winked. Nairobi is already winning.
- Emotional Reaction: Utter bewilderment (followed by laughter).
Evening (6:00 PM - 9:00 PM): Dinner at the hotel restaurant and a well-deserved rest. I'm exhausted. But that goat… it was worth it.
Day 2: Culture Shock, Giraffes, and Questionable Shopping
- Morning (8:00 AM - 11:00 AM): A proper breakfast in the hotel. The juice is heavenly! Then off to the Nairobi National Museum. I'm expecting culture, history, and maybe even a bit of "wow."
- Morning (11:00 AM - 1:00 PM): Giraffe Centre. Okay, maybe a slight dip into tourism. But who can resist giraffes?! This place is amazing. Seeing these gentle giants up close is pure magic. I kissed a giraffe.
- Doubling Down on Experience: I spent ages just watching the giraffes. I went back like 3 times! I could have stayed there all day. The sheer elegance, the length of their necks, just… wow. Absolutely worth it.
- Opinionated Language: Do not skip the Giraffe Centre. It's a must do.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 3:00 PM): Shopping. Went to a place that was recommended. The quality of the stuff was quite nice. But it was pricey.
- Rambling: Okay, the shopping? It's a minefield. So many choices, and you're constantly being haggled by everyone. The prices are wild. I got ripped off, I'm sure. But hey, I got a cool bag.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Relax at the hotel. After all that shopping and giraffes, I need it!
- Evening (5:00 PM - 9:00 PM): Dinner at a local restaurant. More spice, more adventure, more laughter. Honestly, I’m enjoying this!
Day 3: Final Day, City Exploration, and Farewell (For Now!)
- Morning (8:00 AM - 11:00 AM): A walk around the city center. More exploring, more sights, more amazing smells!
- Morning (11:00 AM - 1:00 PM): Visit the Karen Blixen Museum. This is a must-do for true experience.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 3:00 PM): A final lunch at a local restaurant. Last chance for that delicious food.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Pack. Ugh, packing is the worst. But I have to get ready to leave.
- Evening (5:00 PM - Onward): Departure from Nairobi. Goodbye, you crazy city!
- Emotional Reaction: A bittersweet mix of sadness and excitement. Sad to leave, but excited for the next adventure!
- Final Thoughts: This hotel gave me a good stay. Nairobi is fantastic, and totally worth a visit. Remember to embrace the chaos!
Important Notes:
- Transportation: Taxis and ride-sharing apps are readily available. Negotiate prices.
- Safety: Be aware of your surroundings. Don't walk alone at night in unfamiliar areas.
- Food: Be adventurous but cautious.
- Flexibility: Things might not go as planned. Embrace the unexpected!
- Remember to pack: Sunscreen, hat, insect repellent and be ready for an amazing adventure!
There you have it: A chaotic, honest, and hopefully hilarious itinerary for your Nairobi adventure. Now go out there and make some memories!
Escape to Paradise: Luxurious Villa Lugano Getaway in Johannesburg!
Decale Palace Hotel: The Unpolished Diamond (Or Is It?) - Your Questions Answered (Sort Of)
Okay, so what *is* Decale Palace Hotel, exactly? And why is it a "hidden gem"? This whole thing feels… cryptic.
Alright, alright, let's get this over with. Decale Palace is… well, it's a hotel. In Nairobi. A hotel that's probably been around since before I was born (and that's saying something). I've heard whispered rumors of "hidden gem" status. Honestly? The "hidden" part I get. Finding the entrance is half the adventure. The gem part? Well, that depends on your definition of "gem." Think… raw, unpolished, and potentially harboring a few questionable sparkly bits. But hey, that's the *charm*, right?
Is it safe? I've heard Nairobi can be… tricky.
Okay, safety. The big question. Look, I’m not a security expert, alright? But here's my take. I didn't feel *unsafe* exactly. There's a gate, someone kinda-sorta watching things, and they have those giant hotel keys that could probably double as weapons. The area around the hotel wasn't exactly a bustling tourist mecca, which, honestly, could be a *good* thing. Just… be aware of your surroundings. Like you should everywhere. And maybe don't flash your Rolex (if you even *have* one... I don't judge, I'm just sayin'). Trust your gut. If something feels off, bail. Seriously, trust your gut! I once ignored mine and spent an hour in a roadside cafe that smelled suspiciously of… well, let’s just say it wasn't roses. Lesson learned.
What's the food like? Because let's be honest, that's important.
Ah, the all-important sustenance assessment. Food. My stomach rumbled just recalling it... Okay, so the food at Decale… it's… *there*. Let's put it that way. I recall a breakfast incident the first time, a suspicious offering of something that resembled scrambled eggs. Let's just say, texture-wise it was an adventure. But then again, it *was* filling. They also have a restaurant... I wouldn't go in expecting Michelin stars, but they serve up local dishes that are… well, some were good. Some (and I'm being kind here) were not so good. Order with an open mind and an iron stomach. And maybe pack some anti-diarrheal meds, just in case. I'm just saying. Don’t judge me! I'm a nervous eater!
What about the rooms? Are they… clean?
The rooms. Ah, the rooms. This is where the "unpolished" really shines. Clean? Define "clean." Like, hospital-grade sterile? No. Definitely not. Like, "lived-in"? Yes. Expect somewhat older decor. Expect… character. Expect that the hot water might be, well, occasionally lukewarm. I definitely saw a few dust bunnies I wouldn't trade for a million dollars and I could have sworn there something crawling on the walls. (Though, in my defense, it *was* late and I *had* consumed a questionable amount of Tusker lager.) The bed? Firm. Very, very firm. Bring a good book (and maybe a back brace). But, they do have mosquito nets, which is always a plus. And a TV with… channels? Maybe? I didn’t bother too much, the wifi was spotty at best and I was more entertained watching the ants in my room than anything else. Seriously, they were the highlight of the stay!
Is the staff friendly? Because that can make or break a stay.
Ah, the staff. This is one of the redeeming qualities, believe it or not. They're… *present*. Not always the most efficient, but definitely friendly. You might have to ask for things a couple of times (or three), but they'll eventually get there. They genuinely seemed to care, even if there was a language barrier at times. Smile, be patient, and learn a few basic Swahili phrases. Trust me, it goes a *long* way. I particularly remember one woman, bless her heart, who tried (and failed) to explain the intricacies of the local currency to me. We ended up bonding over shared confusion and a cup of instant coffee. It was… memorable. In a good way.
What's the vibe? Is it a party hotel? A romantic getaway? Or…?
The vibe… Oh, the *vibe*. Think… quiet. Not a party hotel. Not a romantic getaway unless your idea of romance is surviving a week in a slightly questionable environment together. It's more of a... *functional* kind of place. People seemed to be there for business, or maybe they lost their luggage and ended up on the wrong side of town (kidding, mostly). It's a place to rest your head, catch your breath, and maybe ponder the mysteries of life, like why the elevator seems to be perpetually broken. It's *not* the Four Seasons, put it that way. Expect a chill, low-key atmosphere, perfect for people who might need a place to crash after… well, let’s just say "adventures."
Would you recommend Decale Palace Hotel? Be honest.
Okay, the million-dollar question. Would I recommend it? Hmmm. That depends. Are you a budget traveler? Do you appreciate "rustic charm" (read: a bit rough around the edges)? Are you adventurous? Do you have a strong stomach? Then… maybe. Seriously, it’s not for everyone. If you’re looking for luxury, look elsewhere. But if you're looking for an *experience*, a story, a chance to see a different side of Nairobi… then yeah, maybe. Just go in with low expectations, a sense of humor, and a willingness to embrace the… imperfections. And, you know, maybe schedule a follow-up spa day *after* you leave. Seriously, you'll need it. And bring your own pillow. Okay, I feel more comfortable with that recommendation than any other recommendation I've ever made. Maybe. Probably. I need a drink.
Okay, you mentioned the elevator. Is it really… that bad?
THE ELEVATOR. Oh, sweet, sweet oblivion of that elevator. Let me tell you a story. I decided, one fine morning, I needed something from my room on the 5th floor. Now, I saw the elevator, all cold metal and a flickering light above. Should I take the stairs, or the elevator? "Challenge accepted!" I thought, and pressed the button. After aStay While You Wander
